TODAY SUNSET SEEM MORE BEAUTIFUL ISN'T IT? 2022
like japanesse urban phase once said, "The moon is beautiful tonight" that's mean "I like you" but not in my world, never in my world.
one day I come across this picture online, that's one of the most beautiful thing someone whould said to me and that really touch my heart. stupid right.
8 years later I admit that I kind of have a crush on him. You know some time you have to accept the truth to make the pain feel more ease. Nothing stop the thing that burning inside of me beside drawing him, capture him as the way I only remember. I have to say that it's fucking destroy me. I draw him, painted him, canvas after canvas after canvas...yearning for him in real life also. I wanted to see him just one more time I need it more than oxygen at that moment, I'm stop eating, seeing friends and keep myself in my dorm drawing until my finger mis-shape as I told you guys before it's already bending but forcing my finger too much is bending it more and more until it's start to hurt and I have to stop it.
I don't remember the exact date (because right now as I writing this, I'm starting to lost 60% of my memmories as a side effect of my medication.) It's just random days at my uni I forget to mention that I'm rolling in the same college as HIS bestfriend We will call him umm Arson? lol that's too funny what about....ummm Gunther? nah that's too long....Kris that's will do.
oh I found a note it's said 18 Mar 2022, I saw Kris. actually I saw him a few times as I'm roaming around uni, I have to admit that everytime I saw him make me feel so fucking scared, first of all back in high school They both always stick together (Standford and Kris) man it's really weird to call them their fake name lol but well back to it. When you saw HIM Kris will always stand beside him I heard that they're side kick or something but they have a very good friendship just like me and Zally i suppose. Did I mention that after gradueted high school I'm start seeing thing...well I got dianosis later.
18 Mar 2022 is just a random day, Well normaly I hardly get out of my dorm if I'm not having class but that day my sister asked mr to grab antidepresstion for her at pharma nearby, i put her prescription in my pocket, the wind there is really wierd as I can recall..and..when I stop and the crosswalk....I saw Kris but...as I mention before He ALWAYS stick with Stanford....so it's not just Kris that day...I saw Standford...and He's living thousand miles away but...He's here looking so fragil wearing his school uniform...school uniform? ah that's....
The next thing I remember is lying on the floor, well the car almost hit me but luckly I made it alive out of there. got my sister antidepreesion, bought a soft drink...a blue one like amd ocean on a sunny day...I got back to my room collapsed and I woke up after that...I drink too much gin mixed with the sweet soft drink I still recall the taste of it, a blue hawaii one...well thet's not the problem the thing is I got drunk, alomost unalive myself by getting hit by a cars and black out. So I put on my favorite hoodies and open the door, tipsy.
I stand there in the mental health counseling of my uni. standing completly stupid for 3 minutes, to let staff told me to fill the form and wait for the next 2 weeks to see a psychologist. I'm not NOT recommend to see them if you have a very negative mind like me. It's hell tbh they just told u to do that to be that to stop thinking about that and nah not work for me so they send me to psychiatrist.
He was a middle aged man, wearing white shirt with a buttons down, a masculine watch on his wrist and he smell ok for a man ig (pls don't call me weird) what I wanted to say is my psychiatrist is alright, He seem normal and look so fucked up tired as hell lol. He do his job dianosis me give me a meds I needed and my brain is doinf stable till this days, All thank to my Dr. We love and missed u so much. I hope you don't forget about your own mental health too ;(
So what it have to do with my art collection? Ok so the medecines sure have a very STRONG side effect it's make my artist sense completly GONE NUMB like I can't created anything for a WEEK and that very suck so I fight it for a bit fight to draw to capture everything I remember..before I forgot everything...
and this is " Today sunset seem more beautiful isn't it? "
" What are you talking about? I'm always 15 and wearing this. " The dark figue answer me in the dark...
IF YOU HOLD MY HANDS AND JUMP OFF NOW WE'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER!!!! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
one day I come across this picture online, that's one of the most beautiful thing someone whould said to me and that really touch my heart. stupid right.
8 years later I admit that I kind of have a crush on him. You know some time you have to accept the truth to make the pain feel more ease. Nothing stop the thing that burning inside of me beside drawing him, capture him as the way I only remember. I have to say that it's fucking destroy me. I draw him, painted him, canvas after canvas after canvas...yearning for him in real life also. I wanted to see him just one more time I need it more than oxygen at that moment, I'm stop eating, seeing friends and keep myself in my dorm drawing until my finger mis-shape as I told you guys before it's already bending but forcing my finger too much is bending it more and more until it's start to hurt and I have to stop it.
I don't remember the exact date (because right now as I writing this, I'm starting to lost 60% of my memmories as a side effect of my medication.) It's just random days at my uni I forget to mention that I'm rolling in the same college as HIS bestfriend We will call him umm Arson? lol that's too funny what about....ummm Gunther? nah that's too long....Kris that's will do.
oh I found a note it's said 18 Mar 2022, I saw Kris. actually I saw him a few times as I'm roaming around uni, I have to admit that everytime I saw him make me feel so fucking scared, first of all back in high school They both always stick together (Standford and Kris) man it's really weird to call them their fake name lol but well back to it. When you saw HIM Kris will always stand beside him I heard that they're side kick or something but they have a very good friendship just like me and Zally i suppose. Did I mention that after gradueted high school I'm start seeing thing...well I got dianosis later.
18 Mar 2022 is just a random day, Well normaly I hardly get out of my dorm if I'm not having class but that day my sister asked mr to grab antidepresstion for her at pharma nearby, i put her prescription in my pocket, the wind there is really wierd as I can recall..and..when I stop and the crosswalk....I saw Kris but...as I mention before He ALWAYS stick with Stanford....so it's not just Kris that day...I saw Standford...and He's living thousand miles away but...He's here looking so fragil wearing his school uniform...school uniform? ah that's....
The next thing I remember is lying on the floor, well the car almost hit me but luckly I made it alive out of there. got my sister antidepreesion, bought a soft drink...a blue one like amd ocean on a sunny day...I got back to my room collapsed and I woke up after that...I drink too much gin mixed with the sweet soft drink I still recall the taste of it, a blue hawaii one...well thet's not the problem the thing is I got drunk, alomost unalive myself by getting hit by a cars and black out. So I put on my favorite hoodies and open the door, tipsy.
I stand there in the mental health counseling of my uni. standing completly stupid for 3 minutes, to let staff told me to fill the form and wait for the next 2 weeks to see a psychologist. I'm not NOT recommend to see them if you have a very negative mind like me. It's hell tbh they just told u to do that to be that to stop thinking about that and nah not work for me so they send me to psychiatrist.
He was a middle aged man, wearing white shirt with a buttons down, a masculine watch on his wrist and he smell ok for a man ig (pls don't call me weird) what I wanted to say is my psychiatrist is alright, He seem normal and look so fucked up tired as hell lol. He do his job dianosis me give me a meds I needed and my brain is doinf stable till this days, All thank to my Dr. We love and missed u so much. I hope you don't forget about your own mental health too ;(
So what it have to do with my art collection? Ok so the medecines sure have a very STRONG side effect it's make my artist sense completly GONE NUMB like I can't created anything for a WEEK and that very suck so I fight it for a bit fight to draw to capture everything I remember..before I forgot everything...